A Dance 'Round the Memory Tree

It's funny that the one night of the week that I could be using to catch up on sleep I've decided to spend online. The week has been good to me. I am, for the most part, enjoying my new job; of course, every job has its ups and downs. Happy as I am to be contributing to society and earning a real paycheck, it struck me on Tuesday (as I rebooted the PC at my desk for the third time) just how much I'm going to miss out on this summer because of work. One year ago, I was the one complaining that no one could do anything because they were all working. Now I am that person. Oh, how the tables have turned. I complain a little too much, I think.

The upcoming weeks will bring an onslaught of feelings I'd rather not experience again in the form of Graduation and the parties that follow. One year ago marked the closest I've ever been to real depression, and yet it was some of the happiest days of my life. So many huge chapters of my life drawing to a close at the same time was too much for me to handle and the prospect of losing some of my closest friends to the tide of life was weighing on my mind during every spare moment.

This year, after all that I've been through, it is strange to be back in the position to feel these feelings. In some cases, time has stripped away what ties I had to certain people making basic conversation awkward and difficult. In others, time apart has strengthened our bond making things easier. And still there are cases which I can't even discern as having time as a blessing or a curse and those are the cases that worry me the most. My biggest fear is losing my friends, not through argument or the mutual parting of ways but through slow deterioration of the things we'd once had in common. I can feel that happing in several areas that I once held and am still trying to hold close.

I'm not sure how I'm going to take Graduation. Having lived it myself already, seeing my best friend walk the same stage will be a weird experience for me, almost like a delayed reaction; this is all happening a year too late. A year can mean a lot in terms of collecting new memories and losing old ones. I just hope that I am not the only who has made an effort to gather as many new memories as I could while gripping on to my old stockpile with everything that I have. In some cases I feel like I am.

I saw Prince Caspian tonight and heard this amazing song before the credits rolled; it, like so many before it, says all this things I wish I could to my Seniors:

The Call
By Regina Spektor

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry

I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never
Been this way before

All you can do is try to know
Who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and now one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye

Sigh.